22 March 2023

haitkus about men i've slept with: set seventeen


sweet as confection,
but not what I needed then.
thank god we are friends. 

I thought you were last
I gave everything to you
but stars did not sync


 i'm fucking happy

with my apartment in Smyna

with my cats

with my humanitarian job (that doesn't make enough money)

fuck  corporate law

fuck expectations

fuck reproduction

and fuck you herman

I'm good.

always have been

always will be. 

02 June 2022

haikus about men i have slept with: set sixteen


My tummy grew round.
You never wrote our story:
unworn baby shoes

my tree, my monkey, 
my soul yearns for you still, Love.  
please make the hurt stop. 

Running to Lagos, 
Your hands and heart were so big 
we played house a bit. 

31 May 2022

haikus about men i have slept with: set fifteen

distant oppression-
your bed in America
was so safe and warm. 

your skin was like coal
pressed against me on the couch.
afternoon delight. 

Hazy Haiti days. 
hopes and expectations are
drowned in a highball. 

26 May 2022

haikus about men i have slept with: set fourteen

You broke the rules 
so this haiku will too. 
Get fucked. 

talk to me, daddy-
then my head and mouth were full :
I felt minuscule. 

Sunrise on Highland.
Our passion and twisted sheets. 
(was it an affair?)

To read more of this series click here.

14 June 2019

Lunch in midtown: unsaid

Hey!! It is so nice to see you. How have you been? How is your family?

I've been back from Haiti for about a year now and I'm so happy to be home! Yeah,  I know, Haiti- how crazy?

What's that? Oh yeah, the earthquake. So terrible. They are still suffering. The aid following the earthquake was so mismanaged. 

You know what's crazy about Haiti? Like when you have a birth center, and it is the only source of maternal healthcare for thousands of women, but it is on Catholic church land and the priest that resides there is literally the worst person you have ever met in your life? Yeah it's wild. Like when you don't sleep for days on end because he cuts off access to electricity and water because you aren't paying his brides? He doesn't care if women and babies die because of his negligence, because he deserves like $50 a month just for being a priest in that village. I always dreamed of being all alone negotiating with a terrorist, totally in my job description! You know how it is. How you have to navigate the terrible relationships that have been established before you got there, and finally start to scare him straight, and it has been a year of hard work against the corruption, hours and hours face to face with an egotistical oxygen thief, and then- you get this- the new executive director comes to visit and just agrees to his bribes, without you, the first time she meets him? Yeah Haiti is wild. 

So how is your new job going? How is your commute? Oh man, that is so annoying! 

You know the thing about Haiti? Its like you have this staff member, who is a teacher in the midwifery school, and her daughter gives birth to this seriously disabled child? And they ignore him? You know, just like put him in corner for a couple of weeks? And he almost dies, in pain since the moment he was born? And then, you know, you find out about it, and you start to question if she should be on staff of a midwifery school when this is what she has allowed to happen in her own home. Right? Obviously. But the executive director just ignores you? So your program manager adopts this poor child, because his wife has had so many miscarriages. And you hold him, but every second he is grasping for air. His eyes are bulging. He is just this tiny little life in your hands, and he has never experienced life without suffering. And his adoptive parents are doing everything they can. But of course he dies. And you know? When you go to the funeral with the tiniest casket you have ever seen. And at the cemetery they reach into the crypt and pull out old bones to make room for it. You get it, right? Yeah, so crazy, they just throw them to the side and manhandle that little casket in there! 

Oh you are gluten free now? I hear that is a great move. 

So you know what's wild about Haiti? How you are the director of a maternal health organization, and one of your students dies, right after giving birth, the week of graduation? How your clinical director and volunteer coordinator spend all night in the hospital trying to save her, but she still just dies? Because the hospital is filthy, and has no running water, and is run by a sociopath? And the class comes to rehearse for graduation, and they find out, and their cries literally echo throughout the house where you both live and work. Wailing. Screaming. It shakes your room? That is so Haiti. And then afterwards your volunteer coordinator, who works 14 hours a day, and is 20 years old, asks to sleep in your bed with you because all she can hear when she tries to sleep is that student saying she doesn't want to die? Yeah, Haiti is wild. Oh yeah, it was graduation, so the executive director was there but she didn't do anything for the staff to try to process it. So Haiti! 

So what are you doing this summer? Any plans?

Well for me, I'm just working through this whole "air quotes PTSD" thing! LOL. Yeah I have been drinking a lot, and gaining weight, and kind of compulsively shopping since I've been home? Yeah you know. And like, getting into a normal hygiene routine. Yeah, having hot water is awesome. It turns out that you can eat things other than pringles, coke and rum! And apparently my new job doesn't require me to work 24/7 which is so so nice. Hahah yeah you got it. 

Anyway so good to see you! Thanks for listening, haha I'm so crazy right now. Absolutely this hour went by so fast? Haha yeah you are right, its just the tip of the ice burg. Yeah, happy hour sounds great. Just text me. See you then. 

29 May 2018

haikus about men i have slept with: set thirteen

I wanted escape.
Bus rides through the desert; and
just playing pretend.

Fast, past cafe lights
Freedom, if just on your moto.
Then we broke your bed.

Your thick black hair and
my multiple orgasms
were squashed by culture.

XXXVI on hold indefinitely. To read more of this series click here.

31 May 2017

haikus about men I have slept with: set twelve

Its cool to not care.
My voice broke into the phone:
"You aren't a nice guy"

Kiss me, deep and long
(the iman sent you to me)
once more, inshallah.

Netflix and take-out.
Your apartment was so dull
I was distracted.

it has been awhile since I wrote some of these. to read more of this series, click here

12 February 2017


Haiti right now is
clean, slippery floors,
cheek pressed kisses and
everything upstairs. A guesthouse
that is my own,
permanent hotel living.

Haiti is puffs of smoke and
charcoal stoves, sips of
rum and bottles of bleach. Haiti is
nothing, yet. Need more seconds, more
steps forward and over.

My heart
Will it ever stop? Will

will Haiti...

I don't know.
To do:
Learn Kreole,
fix heart.

02 January 2017

Alice the astronaut

Alice was an astronaut.

She had long, thick black hair and twinkling eyes. She learned her own birthday when she was only 2 and a half years old. "April 2nd!" she would exclaim, with confidence and gusto.

She always wanted to be an astronaut. She studied long and hard. Her black hair fell into her face over dozens of astrophysics text books, with the sun shining bright outside the library.
"You are 4.6 billion years old," she would say to the bright yellow blinding light.

Alice was so happy to go into space her first time. It was new and intoxicating. "You will float free up there," they would tell her. "Just like a jello mold! It is so freeing!"

She loved it. She bathed in it, the feeling of being in space, in this deep void, in this eternal darkness, in this weightless expanse.

But then, a bright day, during one time at home on this human planet, she met Jake.

He was a lumberjack from Nebraska. Very tall, and strong, with a beard like sandpaper and horsehair. She loved him. He would always walk into the woods with beaver carcasses strapped to his belt. The beavers were lined with full, glimmering bacon strips.

Alice would say "Jake, my love, please do not walk into the woods with the beaver carcasses. It is so dangerous and I worry about you!" She would then toss her black hair over her shoulder and sigh, and he would bend down and kiss her sad eyes and promise to never do it again.

For months they lived in a happy utopia of love-making, meat-smoking and endless evenings under the millions of stars. Alice would point out all the constellations and Jake would cut wood for their sparkling campfire.

Then Alice got the call. She had to go to space again.

"I have to go to space," she told Jake.

"I cannot sustain it," he said.

But they both knew it had to be done. So she took off, like a bullet to the sky. She thought about Jake and about his boorish, unpolished beard. The force of the take-off was a jolt to her, unlike the many times before. She pictured his lumberjack face, his lips robbed of her kisses.

She floated in space, like usual. She was familiar with the cosmic radiation. But this time, despite her weightlessness, her body felt heavy and burdensome.

She called Jake, from the farthest reaches of the universe. He would answer, half engaged, and tell her he had begun wearing the beaver carcasses into the woods again. She would tell him about the mirogravity pulling her body into a million directions, and the issues she was having with her rinse-free shampoo. He did not seem interested, and much farther away than millions of miles. She would fall asleep restless, her heart feeling pulled in as many directions as her spine.

Then she learned the truth. Jake had been eaten by bears. There was not a single scratch of him left on planet Earth besides one thumb and a shrivel of a flannel shirt. "But why did he go into the woods covered in beaver carcass and bacon???" she moaned into the metal enclosure of her shuttle. "Why would he do such a thing???"

She came back to Earth and swam in the lake where they lived, and ate from the blueberry trees they planted. And when they asked her to go back to space, she said, "Will it feel more and more heavy every time?"

17 December 2016

crystal ball 2017



look closer

coffee, cotton and...

yes, sugar.

needs and salt water

mountain tops


what's that?

babies. babies everywhere.