30 December 2013

get thee to a nunnery

He put on the Mamas and the Papas, which I found endearing. The sweet voice of Mama Cass sung out from the ancient black stereo. I sipped on my peppermint tea while he approached me until he was close enough to grab me hard and pull me close. The tiny tsunami it caused in my tea cup resulted in half of the contents spilling over the mug edge. "Now I smell like a candy cane," I said as I brushed away the drops from my hair and skirt.

"Where have you been?" he asked, taking the tea cup from my hand and placing it on the nightstand.

"I've been around," I said. "I've been busy."

I had been ignoring the occasional evening phone call or flirtatious text for months. But he didn't go on. He didn't mention it. And I didn't mention how I had not missed him a bit, how I didn't think of him- even then while he was in front of me, I wasn't thinking about him. I was thinking about how he needed to dust his dresser, and how the hardwood floor was cold under my bare feet, and how 2013 was ending so quickly without even asking permission.

"I am thinking of joining a convent," I told him while he raised my shirt above my head. "That way I don't have to worry about men or finding a job. Do they allow vibrators in nunneries?"

He chuckled but he didn't talk. We didn't have anything to talk about. I looked at the pulse of his neck and the slope of his shoulders and felt his tall and solid body against mine.

I fell into his evergreen sheets and let him hold me and make me feel good. And for a minute I didn't even think about 2013 ending or broken hearts or peppermint tea. And for that night at least when I reached out in my sleep there was a warm body there-- there were hands to grab me and lips to kiss me.

In the morning I stumbled to find my shoes. "Wanna come over this weekend?" he asked. "I'll think about it," I said. But we both knew I wouldn't. I kissed his cheek, saying goodbye to him and this strange, long year.

No comments: