June

"Oh June...." they would say.
June has red hair and sleek eyebrows. She has a long neck (like a ballerina) and a small freckle on her earlobe.

"June?" says Jake, "What do you love?"

"Whatever I love," says June, "I love the most at 4:32 AM."

June hasn't repainted the house (the outside) and the paint is chipping like her fingernails and the tip of the nose of the garden gnome. June hasn't cut the grass in ages (the monkey grass) but she personally picks all the dandelions.

"June?" says Jake, "Would you please turn that music down?"

"It is down," says June, "It is the saddest song I know."

June's grandmother lives in a room that smells like cinnamon rolls and has curtains with big yellow blossoms. She (the grandmother) crochets little snowflakes that June puts on her dresses. June's tension is off on her sewing machine.

"Grandmother," says June, "Green tea makes you defensive. Try roobinos."

June walks down one side of the street and runs down the other. She cut her hair to above her ears and bought a pair of glasses from Paris* (the thrift store).

"June?" says Jake, "No one will believe that big diamond on your finger is real, you silly goose."

"I'm married to Mr. Cordova," says June. "He is a scientist in Brazil." June lays in the grass and closes her eyes, she can see the sun through her eyelids and hear the ants scrambling nearby. She runs to the market to buy basil for her grandmother,

there are grass strains on her ballet slippers. Oh, June...

complacency

laying in the bathtub
reciting my

"opening statement"

but really i'm

reciting the mantra of
why didn't I go to art school?

its hard not to recall the
black beaches of réunion
or

listlessness

when COMPLACENCY means get inspired instead of get a new life

sigh

I'm in deep.

où?

i always thought i would end up with an artist

to blend
our create
ivity
morning noon night

i'mlooking/ until i'm allworn out

there are so many unwritten letters in myheart with no one to be sent to.

work.

cocktails
for me
and the editors of
the journal (the best journal)

everyone whispered
"you
would have been
editor-in-chief,
if
you hadn't gone to
France again"

tell me something i didn't know
like i need
another reason
to regret

(but we are going to do well
and
thats
all that matters)


law and
sexuality?
priority.
it will be good
if it kills me

even if it isn't
mine.

rusty fire escape:

talk to me

squeak squeak squoak

all.that....

all head-to-toe in designer suits from
pretending to be
all-grown-up

straight to my favorite
jazz club where
the drinks are strong
and its always sweet sweaty

the trombone player jumps onto
the bar and
the red and blue lights
dance
off his brass
instrument of entertainment;
more violent
than the couples
twirling crazy on the floor;
shuffle shuffle kick;
faster than the
amber beer
swirling in my glass as my hips shake
gyrate
to the rhythm.

the paneled walls swirl. lights in everyone's hair
it bends.
it all bends.

his shoes shuffle around rocks glasses, bottles
and the trombone bobs
precariously around heads
until he yells at everyone to
call back the tune
call back the tune
call back the tune

and we oblige. my ankles and wrists in perfect syncopation.

the singer wails
"i'll lay my
body on
canal street" and we agree
raising glass, hands, voices
until the
heat
sound
passion
sweat
overflows from sweet frenchman street
on a thursday
night
in new
orleans.

mix it up, bartender.
mix it up for me.

beep, clank

laverne scott
carries
a pocket full of magnets


looking for
a
love robot.

i shot andy warhol

andy painted life and filmed people as people and not things.

(becoming part of the machine?)

life: art and love
is art and love

um, no.
um, yes.

art can come from a machine, (but it doesn't turn the gears)

if you put the microphone in the shot people don't forget it is a movie.
because reality is not like this, um, no.

off the mark

do you have any more lessons for me??

he said before i slammed the door

somethings never,
ever
change.

i have a vocabulary word: compassion.

spell it out. use it in a sentence.

you eat grass and i'll pirouette on the hardwood floor (smells like lemons and dust); there's a million of you and only [] of me. i'll never get back that nickle and dime: is this called "making memories"?

i wouldn't eat you
even if you were wrapped in felt and syrup.

mark it down in your composition book.

lost and found

faubourg marigny, new orleans, la

sometimes i cry / thinking of sitting in your dusty bar in st germain / listening to me and bobby mcgee / drinking champagne with your friends / you would lean over the bar/ to kiss me / and i would say 'play that song again, cheri....' /

is that better
than brunch in
the marigny with
the best girls i know?

i think not, cheri....

aller retour

i stamped my passport
on the border of
my own little world

must go back
to civilization
-- out of chai
and my hair hasn't been washed
in four days

will she survive the reverse culture shock?

indian summer

i will
toss and turn
all night
in these
cotton sheets
amillionmilesaminutemythoughts

every summer
is an

indian summer

in new orleans.


take it in,
and let it out.

it doesn't have to be hard

the tightrope is only two feet from the ground

just step to the side,
its ok.

unpacking means old journal entries

April 8, 2003

And so one day I woke up and I was twenty years old, about to move out of the dorms and into my first apartment amidst boxes of schoolbooks and scrapbooks and journals now nearly a decade old or more. And one day I woke up in the arms of a boy and it was true blue love and thought "How did I get here? When did I get here?" because the waiting is supposed to be over and it seems as though it has just begun.
One day I woke up and I had credit card debt and birth control and essays about french existentialists. And my mom needed me.
One day I woke up and was drinking wine and coffee because I liked it and not because I was trying to look older. I was reading CNN and waiting to hear if my old friend was still alive in Kuwait. I was planning trips to London.
And one day I woke up and I was twenty and I asked myself "Is this where you wanted to be? Is this you? and I disregarded the increasing pounds and the diminishing funds and said
"I am where I always wanted to be."
And all of a sudden twenty seemed so young.





ed note:
twenty is so young. to be a baby again...

un-vacuation// hurrication

(acworth, ga)

gustav
gust of inter
ruption
of paris rehabilitation

underneath the florescent lights we all glow
the humidity is awe-inspiring
focus is at an all time low

i would blow into gulf waters too


afternoon bike ride in audobon park and i swear the spanish moss almost reached out and grabbed me

re: 9:39

i want to say how much i hate you
how much you have torn me
apart

and i am trying to find my way back together
how you have
shattered
me
and broken
me
and made me a different, more skeptical person

made me tired
sad

tired


i want to say how
you are a bad,
bad, person
how you took advantage of me
how you used me
and hurt me

hurt me
and hurt me
and hurt me

but i can't


so i just say
"je veux t'oublier. laisse-moi tranquille." to your

empty

empty

empty words.

evacuation

what else is new?

9:39 AM (3 hours ago)

c est dommage ce ki est arrive je suis desole j aurai voulu que ce soit autremement j espere que tu vas bien

bts

lunch box and notebooks

today is everyday
forever

its not you, its me

Dear Paris,

By the time you read this I will be gone so there is no point in trying to stop me.

I remember when I first saw you, 8 years ago. You were so beautiful. I felt like we were immediately compatible.

It hasn’t always been easy. Off and on -- remember that gorgeous autumn we spent together in 2002? Or the spring trees in 2004? 2006 I’ll never forget. And summer of 2007 sealed the deal. I knew we could make it. Everything about you made me happy. When you weren’t around I thought of you constantly.

But lets face it- this year things have changed. Its been tough. I feel like I’m different, you are different... How can I put this? I need a break. I don’t think we should see each other for a while.

I realize this means I will probably have to hear stories of other girls being with you, how much fun they are having, how wonderful you are. I’m not going to pretend that it won’t be hard.

Its not you, its me. I need something different out of life now. I hope we can stay close, and, if it isn’t too improper to say, I feel we’ll be together again soon. But for now I ask that you respect my space.

Prenez soin de vous.

-Lucie