Carlotta

Carlotta Marie Green was the funniest of funny. She laughed at all the melted ice cream and cried at all the comedies. When Carlotta was 6 years old she cut off all her hair to look like the neighbor boy Frank, and when she was 14 she kissed him so hard he almost fell backward into the yellow siding of the house.

Carlotta carries a book of quotations with her doodles in the margins. Her favorite skirt is a turquoise circle with big orange rose blossoms scattered across the front. She looks into the sky and says "Hey there universe, can you gimme a break?" That is what her mom used to say. "Can you gimme a break?"

Carlotta was 6 credits away from a degree in biology, and 2 kisses away from an affair with the head of the Spanish department. His  eyes were so dark, and so calm. And he always seems ready for a new shave. But that all seems long ago. Perhaps, Carlotta ponders, it is time to cut her hair again.

When Carlotta thinks about her divorce her eyes water and her upper lip quivers. Then she looks up at that same big sky, that same big swirl of stars. "Can you gimme a break?" she asks.

the christmas present// our relationship

first an empty,
vaulted promise
from his lips

wherein i fulfill
my end
of the bargain
with kindness
and care,

and he
takes all i have
without giving
anything
in return.

role models

i admire the girls
who rest a manicured hand
over the lip of their wine glass,
shake their heads
"oh no, no thank you, that is enough"


the girl who
throws her head back,
twinkle in her eye,
and says
"I made him wait. I made him work for it."


the girls
who
don't sell everything they own
to run away
to Paris,
only to find themselves right back where they started
(The girls who
asked about health insurance, and
apartment fees, and
a 5 year plan)


the girls,
those girls,
who take as prescribed,
rinse and repeat,
and are happy waking up
everyday
next to a nice, stable man
who buys them lingerie from Victoria's Secret
and takes
them to the Cheesecake Factory on
their birthday

The girls happy
to live at 7,
a reasonable
calm
 7

i admire those girls.

i never waved away wine
or turned down cute boys
or stopped before the last piece
or let complacent mean happy

why have a glass
when you can have a a bottle-
that turns giggles into
rolling laughter,
why kiss when you can tangle together?
and why tangle when you can
make the whole
world move beneath you?

why stop at 10 when 12 may be possible?
why watch Sabrina
when you can be Sabrina?

i don't know
where my brain went wrong-
where it sprung a leak.

because asking for more more more
only works
for so long;
when more is never enough,

nothing

is the depth of a heavy heart.

sheets

i've been
waking
every morning with my
pillows on the floor,
the sheets
torn from the corners,
my legs
wrapped
in blankets and air

to
toss and turn
is a cute
bit of phrase
and my mother
says i just
need
to relax and let
myself rest-

but i think my body
is just
working
furiously
to wake up
anywhere
but [here].

resolute

 the driest memories /
 stop / create /
 fill the footprints and green heart and read /
 follow back / 
think / 
grayscale / 
forward moving salt water