former major organ; or american love poem

he was smooth
he got me to the point where not only was i taking off my clothes
i was exultant to do so

then i dropped out of his sky like thisandthat boysandgirls shouldacouldawoulda

i can hear him now
laughing with his friends
how easy i was to get, second only to how easy i was to be rid of.

*awkward*

Giggle surplus. Cannot the extreme hips, mottled face play the piano? write a poem? In love at the time of the fall of a hat. Does not call enough the questions of sex, fall from the questions of mother. Unexplainable narcissism. Pushed about faker can paint or plunges; forgets to read the newsloopas. Left but due to the surplus of the large banks.

we could have been americana

we could have gone to mcdonalds and
had french fries no mayo
made love in back seats
steam the windows all up
“no officer—my father is a preacher”
we could have laid in grass up to ankles
listened to American pie
drinking jack daniels from the bottle
hey lets get platonic
no kissing (below the belt)
until you pin me (down)

dear diary.... love, teenage angst

I am a chronic journal writer. Lately I've dipped into entries from my teenage years, and they are so funny I just had to share them. Can we say boy crazy? I blame my rhetoric on too many preteen novels. Yes ma'am. Here are some high points, starting with an entry I wrote when I was 13 years old:

January 3, 1997
Today me and Ceara met Sam and Brian at the mall. I got Beth a birthday present at Bath and Body Works and one of those ‘Beanie Babies’. Its so cute! It’s a bulldog. When I grow up I am going to get a bulldog and name him Sergeant Pepper. Brian asked me out in Hallmark. He said it really loud and fast. It was hilarious!

January 29, 1997
Guess what? I got 100% on The Blueberry Bush. I love that story, I worked so hard on it! Ben is sharing a locker with Trent now. They have no respect! They stand right in front of my locker! I worked on my pointe routine for hours today. I wish the instructor would notice me more. In our pointe number she put me behind Shannon. I hate Shannon! I wish I were thinner. In a half an hour 90210 comes on.

May 25, 1997
Its almost midnight and I just got back from Chris’ house. I’ve been spending a lot of time there because Chris digs Ceara. I thought Zach liked me, but now I’m not sure. Well, Mom says I’ve been staying out too late. She’s always yelling at me for whatever.

July 20, 1998
Today I was talking to Patrick, and I couldn’t help but think how cute he is! He’s adorable, plays guitar, drives, and he’s smart. What more could a girl ask for? But anyway, for the record, I’ve decided to stay with Joe. I’ve decided to not involve myself with JP. He says its mean that I flirt with him. I think it is more mean of him to tell me we are perfect for each other when I have a boyfriend. I’m making a personal goal to seriously try and make things work between me and Joe. By the way, Micheal called today. He confuses me. He is a great friend but is constantly asking me to go out with him. Get a clue!

August 17, 1998
I broke up with Joe. I’m with JP now.
PS Jay just called me. He makes me melt.
What if I see Joe and JP at the same time when school starts? That would be weird….

December 8, 1998
Girls would not seem so complicated if guys weren’t so dumb. I’m in history and we have a sub today. She’s got some damage about popping gum; good thing I don’t have any. I have that Reel Big Fish song in my head. “Brand new song, just for you…” I wonder if our sub leads a really unfulfilling life and that is why she is so anal about popping gum. At least there is only 8 more days until winter vacation.

January 11, 1999
Bejean said “Do everlasting gob stoppers stop everlasting gobs or everlastingly stop gobs?” We are descending into insanity and need to come up for air, I think.

March 22, 1999
I just don’t know whats up with him lately. Its like we get together and make out and the oohs and ahhs are our only communication. My life is like an everlasting battle with my hips. So far they are winning by 8 points. I think all French teachers are evil. And its sad, because they can’t help it. Its like the French takes over their brain. I found this quote by this guy named GB Shaw while I was working on the literary magazine. He said “Music is the brandy of the damned.” And finally, if sucking was a state, biology would live there.

September 22, 1999
I skipped school today and I am sitting at the sandwich shop, watching all the customers. I want my husband to be a business man and wear suits every day. I think that’s sexy—kinda shows ambition, you know? I mean, these guys aren’t sexy, they’re old. But when I am old I won’t think they’re old, it will just be… normal, or something. Like Carrie and Big. And all of these jurors. I wanna be on a jury. That would be cool. I don’t see why teenagers don’t serve on juries. It seems like out opinions don’t matter, but you know maybe some cases need a younger perspective.

January 4, 2000
Back to school. No Armageddon. Last night I was thinking about French class and how badly I am going to do on this algebra test and I started crying and felt like I was going to throw up. Then all I could think was, “God, I am turning into my mother.”